.

This is super pathetic. This is me writing about my day... and it sucked.
I woke up and a few things happened. Not worth mentioning, so I won't.
But then I came back home...to my apartment. It was empty and cold (I'd thrown the air down on my way out this morning. Perhaps tooooo down); I have a shit ton of work I should be finishing up and I didn't. I didn't touch it...... not even think about. I'm sad and feel weak, like I'm not going anywhere or doing anything for myself. Too dumb to care? Maybe.

I hate pity parties, you know. That's what this is...surprise! yay! *toss confetti* Not really because that would require effort....which I lack with every aspect and corner of my life apparently.

No one's going to read this which is probably where I'm confident enough to post it in the first place....I mean, who reads something title with a period anyway?

My question is: how can I push myself? You know, to...exist....or do...stuff?
I can't even help my friends and that;s important to me. I'm a people pleaser; maybe a pushover I don't know. No, maybe not. I can say no............................ so how do I say yes to good stuff? I know what I want--- I just have to suck it up?

I'm tired...yet I havn't done shit! You know that saying?: >>>>>> Don't wait for something to happen to you. MAKE something happen to you...or some psycho babble, right? I'M WAITING....FREAKING WAITING AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!

I'm avoiding my friends because I don't want them to notice that I'm hiding something AND i DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS SO HELL I'M PRETTY DAMN GOOD AREN'T I?!