Hypocritical and Homophobic. What fun to live with.

"He lost me when he started talking like a fag."

And you lose me every time you say something so blatently hateful.

Honestly. My grandfather claims to accept everyone no matter what. I can quote him exactly -"It doesn't matter what you do with your life as long as you're healthy. That's the only thing that matters" - because of how much he repeats it, like a mantra.

Then he says things like that. Oh, you want to know what the mayor of Edmonton (I believe, I could be wrong. I know it was the mayor of some Canadian city.) said to deserve such hateful words?

Muscular Urban Agenda.

Ouuu, so gay!

Ugh, I'm so disgusted right now. I don't even know what to do with myself. I stopped eating the minute he said it and just walked out of the room. It wasn't very dramatic and I doubt he even noticed,but I was really hurt by his comment.

I'm an ally. I write queer love stories. I have a crush on a girl.

How the hell am I supposed to trust them with anything when they make such judgemental and hateful remarks about people?

It's not just gay people either.

We were driving down the street and there was a young couple, probably mid-twenties, with a toddler and a baby in a stroller. Because both the father and the mother were walking with their children in the middle of the day, they automatically became lazy scum who just used welfare and baby bonus as money instead of going out and actually working. The fact they were hispanic may have had something to do with their rash judgement, but I would prefer not to think of them as racist on top of everything else. But, I know in the back of my head they are, without a doubt.

I wish I had the courage to just say to them, "You know nothing about those people. Not everyone works 9 to 5. It's possible they both had the afternoon off. And even if they did live on welfare, it is none of your business. Because yes, you do pay taxes which contribute to welfare,but you know nothing about their lives. You know nothing about what may or may not have happened to them. So just STFU and stop being entitled, privledged bitches who judge everyone they see."

But, they have this way of talking down to me, like I'm still the 6 year old who doesn't understand everything. I hate it. I can't talk to them at all without that condescending tone appearing and making me feel like shit.

I just....I can't stand this anymore. I can't talk to them about anything. I can't talk to my mom about anything. My sisters are always busy and I never see them. My best friend is too busy with her own problems. I feel like I'm completely alone and isolated.

My depression is coming back and I'm trying to fight it by myself, but I just don't know what to do. Not to mention this whole "oh my God, I may be a lesbian" thing which has me freaked out enough as it is.

Speaking of which, if anyone has actually managed to read this much of this angst-filled post and happens to be bisexual/gay/lesbian/pansexual/anything else, could you please tell me how I'm supposed to know? did you know automatically?

-sigh- I think writing this out helped a little. I don't feel like crying anymore, at least. So, even if nobody bothers to read it, thanks Mibba, for being an outlet.