As I was walking home from my local shop today I started thinking about the phrase ‘keep your chin up’, or ‘stand tall’ and other similar inspiring phases. And it made me realise it’s something I rarely do. I talk to people about it, tell people to follow the advice and act as though it’s something I do mentally. But from a physical point of view I just don’t do it. Now on my walk home I thought I’d give it a go. I did not walk more than two steps before my head was bowed once again. Undeterred I tried again, and again, and again. But I couldn’t do it. My eyes and my head would invariably end up facing towards the ground. Eventually I gave up trying and carried on with my walk. But as I did it got me thinking why?
The very first thought I had was that the sun was in my eyes, but of course this is not always the case and when I thought about it, I always bow my head even if it is cloudy and overcast. Also, I was passing from sun to shade, so surely I should have looked forward when I was in the shade?
From a physical point of view I have a bad back, and as such my posture is terrible. But when I was walking with my head up and eyes forward I didn’t experience and pain or discomfort in my back or neck. This led me to think that it isn’t my back that keeps my eyes on the ground.
My next thought was that perhaps its throwback from childhood, because when you’re small and still a little unsure on your feet, you do watch your feet as you walk to make sure you’re not going to trip up either over your own feet or something in front of you. But as I walked I could clearly see the path in front of me and any obstacles that may have been there. And of course after walking for 19 years, give or take, I’m pretty confidant on my own feet and in my ability to walk. So my thoughts moved away from that idea as it didn’t seem to be the reason.
The next idea I came up with was a wish to hide my face. I dress ‘alternatively’ and as such I’m used to people being cruel or unkind based on my appearance. So perhaps I look downwards so people can’t see me and I can more easily ignore comments about my appearance. In addition to this theory I also have; body issues I suppose you would call them. This means I don’t like people looking at me in any context. I find it hard to maintain eye contact with someone even when talking to them and this is anyone from my own mother to a stranger on the street.
As I was thinking about this theory I reached home and realised that, when I paid attention to myself I looked at the ground when I walked around my own home. So the theory about hiding my face is not as accurate and clean cut as I first thought because, at the moment as I write this my house is empty apart from my cats and at any other time the only other person in the house is my partner. (Incidentally I cannot hold eye contact with him either.) But even so, there would be no reason to hide my face in my own empty home.
At this point I have run out of ideas as to why I keep my eyes downward when walking anywhere. But I did just have to write it down just because it made me think so much. I wonder how many other people do it without realising, or if they know they do it, do they know why?
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