Is It Good Im Not Taking My Meds?

I wonder if its a good thing thast Im not taking my meds. My brain children stop me staying that they will only make things worse, but I know they are helping. Things have gone from bad to worse, with my father, I try to talk to him and all I end up doing is crying. This is weird because I never cry in front of anyone unless Im in extreme ammounts of pain. I promised my boyfriend that I wouldnt cut, I still do that and I burn myself just to try and make my self sleep. Im so in love with him, but this is something I cant deal with, maybe Im better off leaving this world.