Online Quizzes Bringing Sexy Back? No...

I've noticed that a lot of people like to take online quizzes. I've also noticed that a lot of people take the results of these quizzes to heart. Which is bizarre, if you ask me. Most of these quizzes insult you while lying to you about how their insult is awesome or sexy or cute, and get away with it by sugar-coating what they say. For example, I saw this on a friend's Facebook page, a result they received from an online quiz they recently took:

"The first letter of your name is (K). It means that:You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you."

Sounds great, right? Wrong. Let me break this down for you.

1) You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love.

This sounds okay, but only on the surface. This quiz just told you that you're a sap who hasn't yet learned to tell the difference between reality and the kind of love you find in home entertainment videos, television shows, cartoons, or romance novels. Why aren't those things a good judge of how love ought to be and actually is? Well, because they really aren't even meant to be. These mediums are used to give you a sense of reality while making it so dramatized that it's unrecognizable for your entertainment value so that you can escape the hum-drum way that life is. They dramatize love, sex, and every day trials and ordeals just to entertain you. This might be a hard lesson to learn, but if you are old enough to be in a real and important relationship, then you are beyond old enough to be mature enough to understand this. That's not the cynic in me talking, either. That's the realist in me talking.

2) Having a partner is of paramount importance to you.

Now, how could that be a bad thing, right? Well, because this basically says that you can't do a damn thing on your own without having a partner there by your side. Not that you just simply like being in love and having a partner, but rather that you are obsessed with it. It is the kind of thing that, if you don't have one, you doubt your entire existence as a person of worth and importance. It causes actual and severe depression. It causes you to decide that you're a loser. You cannot think about much else besides the fact that you are single and you will probably never find your one true love to spend the rest of your life with, despite the fact that you are only 20. Or whatever the hell age you are.

Do you realize what the overall assessment of this quiz is of you? Never minding the sheer asininity of the idea that you can tell anything of significance about a person's personality or views/tendencies in love and their love life, by their name or the first letter of their first name. Or the first letter of the street their parents lived in when they were brought home as a newborn from the hospital. Or whatever other kind of stupidity they use for online quizzes these days to tell you about yourself.

This quiz just told you that you are a desperate, needy, clingy, obsessed person who needs a major reality check and some serious HOURS in a therapist's office working out whatever issues have caused you to be this way.

And worse...this quiz just told you that being like that is sexy. No. No, it isn't. It is not sexy. It isn't even a little bit sexy. Hell, it's not even cute. It's annoying and it's scary. People will eventually have one of two reactions to this type of behavior. Either they will put as much distance between themselves and you as possible, perhaps even look into taking out a restraining order on you, because they think you might turn into some crazed stalker...or you will annoy them or smother them into putting as much distance between the two of you as possible simply because they cannot stand you anymore after getting to know what you are really like in a relationship.

And, you probably depress and irritate your friends a little bit, too, by complaining about it so much and not taking steps to actually get help to change this behavior.

Don't get me wrong. I don't think that a quiz is going to tell you anything accurate based on said quiz's criteria. But, I do know that once in a while by sheer coincidence (and yes, there is sheer coincidence, ladies and gents) a quiz pops up and gives an accurate result about you. Sometimes the above is the result. If it is true about yourself, then I'm not saying that the quiz has some sort of psychic powers, but maybe you should find a therapist, set up an appointment, keep said appointment....and keep going. Until you have actually worked through your issues and are able to live a normal life.

Desperate and clingy is by no means, ever in a million years, sexy. And if you think it is, something is wrong with you. Sorry, but I don't feel like sugar-coating or being especially tactful about this subject as it is one that really grates my nerves.

Not that a lot of this matters, because I hope the majority of people take quizzes for fun and giggles and don't take their results to heart. But, I do know that some people do. And that's another thing, taking the results of online quizzes to heart is not a good idea. It's just as weird and unhealthy as the above behavior I discussed.