Im homeless. Im not joking, I am serious.

My mom has not payed the rent for a while, because of no money.
Me and my family are homeless right now. We got evicted this morning..
Im at my dads right now. But I cant stay here. Mom is sleeping here tonight and there is no room for me. Im going to sleep at my cousin tonight. Tomorrow we are going back to our house and getting the last of our things. And after that, a friend of mine that lives in another city and stay with him over the weekend.

I dont want to be around my family at the moment.. I cant stand to see my mom so upset. Shes crying all the time and is talking about suicide.
She says ” If I go away, every problem will be gone.”
Shes said that so many times i’ve lost count on how many times shes said it.
It scares me.

It sounds so fucking selfish to say that i just want to get away.
That I dont care. But I do! I really fucking do!

I dont feel like crying, like I need to be the strong one now.. Im not that strong. I just want to lie in my bed all day and night. Not do anything..

And on top it all, Im failing in school.

Im sorry for this post. I know somebody else is in worse condition than I am.
But I just had to write this for myself.
I have nobody else to talk to.. everyone i know is on vacation..

-J