Why a cross?

"why a cross?" she asks.
"I dunno, there's no real reason behind it. I tend to do things spontaneously."
Truth is, i don't know why a cross, but i do know everything i do has a reason behind it, whether I'm conscious of the reason or not.
Maybe that i have finally started losing hope that all the words of reassurance are true, ("you'll be okay." "It'll pass" "You're in control" )So I may have subconsciously turned to god for help, despite never being the slightest bit religious. However in times of trouble, people tend to turn to things they wouldn't usually turn to.
Theory number two; I'm trying to come to terms with what caused this and therefore I am constantly searching for answers, finding none. Leading me to blame god for the curse inflicted upon me, which could explain why the cross seems to be inverted. However, depends which way you look at it.
My third, and final theory; I am mocking the idea of a god, the fact that an omnipotent sentient being is watching us and guiding us in our lives. if that was so, why would he punish those who do not deserve it and let those who are unjust live a life so extravagant? Why would he subject those who are pure, his worshipers, to an untimely death? I deserve my plague, so if this is god's fault then, i deserve it.

"Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.""