Same Ol' Routine...

I'm falling apart.

I had the worst dream last night.
I literally sat up and cried.

I dreamt that my friend was over with her boyfriend(who I also like) and she made out with him right in front of me...and that shouldn't be a big deal...but it was.

And it broke my heart, it further made me realize, I can't have him, because she does...

And my mother came in my room and asked me what was wrong but I couldn't tell her...I don't want to verbally admit that I lost a boy to her again...I feel like I don't want to like someone, because every time i try, someone else does too and then they take them away...

I just wanna be able to say "he's mine, you cannot have him." but...i try, and it doesn't happen... or some boy likes me, and i cannot like them like that...to me they are just friends...and then they hate me because I tell them the truth...

I cannot win.
I'm losing.

And I feel like crap for feeling like even TRYING because I know it won't work...
So what am I supposed to do?