Help.

I feel like I’m falling. More like floating, actually. I’m suspended in the air; motionless and immobile. Every muscle in my body is frozen. My eyes flit and flutter but nothing is clear. Everything appears to me in a haze of blurs and colors.
Nothing makes sense.
I feel lost and accountable. I feel scared and guilty. I feel alone.
I’ve caused my own suspended animation; I’m the reason for my own demise.
I’ve got nothing. I haven’t got a thing.
My mind races and my thoughts stumble over one another clumsily. To say there’s an actually though process would be a lie- more like a thought race.
Things come to me quickly. Things like games and people and passions…Then they extinguish. And with every fading fire, I feel hopeless.
It’s not even enough to just feel, anymore. I don’t trust how I really feel because it isn’t grandiose enough for my liking.
I’m a spectrum waiting to explode.
Nothing is good enough. Nothing. Not a thing.
I’m expectant on the inside, but on the outside I make it out to be a joke- I don’t care, who really should, anyway?
I have dreams on the inside….somewhere, anyway.
I can’t find them, actually. So now I’m just assuming.
I don’t feel.
I don’t feel anything.
I lack the ability to turn feelings into thoughts and thoughts into words.
That’s a lie. I feel like a lie.
I feel like the empty shell of someone who once knew who they were.
Then they faltered, and everything got lost. The puzzle pieces got scattered; some are broken and some are just wrinkled a bit.
Lost. I feel like a lost lie; I’m the puzzle piece that you need to complete the puzzle. But I’m nowhere to be found, maybe on the inside of your baby brother’s stomach.
I feel weights on my shoulders. I feel a pressure in my head.
I feel pain.
I feel sorrow, regret, loss- whatever.
Anger.
I’m so tired of the anger.