Is That Too Much To Ask?

So recently I have been having a rough time dealing with things. Not that I was all that great at dealing with them before, but lately it just seems like I am losing everyone I care about.

I feel like everyones being taken from me. First my best friend of 5 years. Honestly I can't even tell you what went wrong there. And I really don't want to get into it because that's a wound I rather not open at the present time. But she was a big part of my life, we were inseparable. And then stuff went wrong and now I pass by her in the hall everyday and we act as if we don't even know each other. Its heartbreaking to tell you the truth because all I want to do is hug her and cry and tell her all the shit that's been going on. But I don't want to open that wound for either one of us.

Second is my other friend Kamilla. We became very close this school year. I thought she was my best friend but do to recent turn of events she has stopped including me in her life. I think it's because when we got close she was in a patch with her other friends. Now she's all good with them and shes growing distant from me.

Third, there's this guy. (Isn't there always) his name is Erden. He's my friend, but I do have a small crush on him. He makes me happy, he makes me smile and laugh. He makes me feel something I haven't felt for a long time. Its different for him though because I'm breaking all my rules for him. He constantly reminds me that he just thinks of me as a friend. And just the other day he told me that if I wasn't as big as I am that he would definitely "make you my girl" is what he said. Its just a big blow to my confidence that my weight is the only thing keeping me form a good guy. Also, he has been trying to get my friend Kamilla for 2 years now. (I met him this year) Recently, we both discovered that she refuses to date him because "I don't date pale guys" is what she said. We were both pretty mad at her for that. But he continues to talk to her, and try to get her attention. Today I realized that, what am i doing thinking that I could even remotely have a chance? He obviously wants a skinny girl, which I can not be. (Kamilla is a tiny girl) .

So as of late I just feel oh so down because i just want someone to love me like I love them whether it be friendship or a relationship. I just want what love I give to be given back. And i don't think that is too much to ask for. I don't think that's really hard to do. I am just lonely, and I want a really good long hug, which I know I will not get.

I just want to be loved, is that too much to ask?