extreme venting.

i really can't believe you're having such an impact on me. i know we have a past and all that bullshit but this is ridiculous. you fucking fixed me for the most part, and now you just fucking tore me apart. i can't believe you. you're a fucking liar, and an asshole. you made me lose hope for the entire world. if everyone else is like you then the entire planet is fucked. what the fuck is wrong with you? i didn't do anything except love you with every single ounce of my being. you lied to my face, and turned around and back stabbed me. yeah, you're real cool buddy. when we first met, it wasn't like this. we fell in love. or, at least, i thought we did. we were so close, and it meant everything to me. and you just... left.you went away, and you abandoned me and i didn't know what to do. i managed to live without you and i'm doing it now but it isn't easy. and having this fucking dream about you doesn't help. you were my savior once, and now here i am fighting off this mental fucking breakdown i'm about to have. i don't know what to do. i want nothing more than to break down crying and apologize, and have you back in my life. but you're a god damn hazard to my fucking health. i know i shouldn't have punched you in the face, let alone twice, but you fucking ran your mouth and we both know that you should have kept your mouth shut about what happened on saturday. you fucking went up to him for christ's sake! you deserved to get a punch in the face, you had it coming! and even after that you fucking run around and tell people, and TEACHERS my business? you're such a fucking hardass, let me tell you! i don't want to do anything but curl up and sleep. and this overwhelming urge to give up is getting stronger and stronger. i can only fight for so long and now that you're really gone i don't know how long i can try anymore. or if i even still want to try for that matter. do you fucking realize what you're doing to me? you're fucking ruining everything and you don't even care. i know you're an asshole and you pretend like you're some heartless person even though i know it isn't true. you have your ASSHOLE moments but you really do have potential to be someone amazing. i hate you for doing this to me. i'm bipolar now and it just isn't working for me anymore. and now you have me writing a fucking novel for random people on the internet to read, and people reading this probably think i belong in a mental hospital. maybe that's what i need. a mental hospital. maybe i'll move somewhere far, far away to get a new start. i can honestly say i wish i would've never met you.