To the bitch at the grocery store.

SHUT THEFUCKUP!

No, the spaghetti really isn't $1.15, that tag was for the macaroni sitting right next to it. My coworker did not lie, we are not out to get you, it really is $1.35. And really does twenty cents matter to you that fucking much. Just accept the fact that you fucking read the price tag wrong and move on!

No, your coupon for a $1 off two packs of Oreo cookies will not work on just one item. No I cannot take 50 cents off since you only want one pack. Get two and get the dollar off or just fucking leave it be.

No, if a product does not initially scan the first time I try to pass it over the scanner does not mean it's free, it means that the bar code is crinkled up and the laser inside of the scanner can't read it. Stop saying that like you're funny. I hear that same line about fifty times a day, you're not clever in any way, you are not funny so stop laughing at your own joke, I'm not laughing because it isn't funny, it's annoying and I want to punch you every time you say it. The bar code has a number on the bottom of it for a reason, so we can manually type in the number, it takes like five seconds.

Please stop bagging your own groceries, our baggers are perfectly capable of doing THEIR JOB. Stop putting one little thing of makeup in a large bag. We have small bags for a reason, they are cheaper! Every time you take an extra large bag you cost us a lot more money. And people wonder why grocery prices are so high.

Know how much fucking money you have and shop accordingly. If you know you have only a hundred dollars then why the hell did you get two baskets. It's not that hard to pick up a phone or get online and check your account, seriously it doesn't even take five minutes.

If you think you can do a better job then use the dame self checkout. But the fact that I am one of the fastest checkers at my store (on top of being the smallest employee in the whole store) and the fact that I have only had three overage/ shortage incidents in a over a year of being a cashier (none of them being over $15) must say that I am damn good at my job! So next time you decide to bitch at me for something, think about who's fault it really is!