when your best friend tells you that she wants to die, she's done, she doesn't want to deal with this anymore, she hates her life.
right now i don't care about grammar or anything and i'm going to delete this anyway because i don't want her to see this and oh, god.
i want to say so many things to her but they're definitely not what she needs to hear right now, so instead when she tells me, "Please get my mind off of things. I'm having scary thoughts." I talk about fucking guns on Call of Duty and thank my lucky stars that she is not home alone.
I mean I knew that we were both not "all right" but oh god, oh god, oh god.
it's not like i've never thought about killing myself, but i could never do it. and i hope that's the case with her. and i hope she gets help. i just.
my heart stopped and then raced and i hoped she was kidding or exaggerating but she's not and what do i do?
i need to have a serious talk with her but it has to be face to face and my stomach is eating itself.
i feel like while i get better, she gets worse. like now i am doing my work more and i am eating and i am going out for my school's production of The Grapes of Wrath on tuesday and i'm going to put an end to this funk that i have been in for i don't know how long but it seems she sinks deeper into the gray.
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