Slowly.

I'm so confused about absolutely nothing. Just like every other time, I've sent myself into a spiral whilst intoxicated about things that don't really matter. I always tell myself one thing and then talk myself into another. I want to live in the moment, but I'm always worrying about the next, I'm worrying about the why, I'm worrying about the meanings. I'm worried I made a choice that has brought me more mental struggle than it was worth, but I feel like I made the right choice because of the amazing friends I made and the memories I made on the way. I'm worried about the future, and I'm absolutely scared of the nothing that awaits me after the struggle we live through. I'm terrified to not be, to die. I'm scared to end everything, but I'm scared to live.
I just wish I could live over and over, or never stop living. If I had any choice, I'm sure I'd take the consequences, not matter what the cost.