yet to be named journal post

For those of you who are on tumblr, you know that right now it is not working. Tumblr is one of the most frustrating sites on the internet today, but yet we still keep going back to it. It lets us down, breaks our hearts and occasionally teases us only to disappoint us in the end, but we love it anyways. This sound familiar to you? I know it sounds familiar to me. Especially since it's where I normally go to post things like this.

This guy, I've worked with him for about ten months now, and all ten of those months I've had feelings for him. When he first started, it was an inevitable thing, you just have one of those puppy dog crushes because he's just good looking, you know that feeling? Well when you get to know that person, text that person nonstop, and even hang out, those feelings tend to grow to something more, and when he seems to show just as much interest, it makes it that much easier, right? Wrong. When I opened my big mouth, telling him how I felt he completely denied he felt anything and then about a month later, went on to say he wanted his ex back, which was a complete lie. I just know it. And for the longest time, it was awkward at work between us, and that killed me, alot. Now, things are finally starting to look up. We joke, laugh now and then, he still makes me smile like he always used to, and even I tend to make him smile now and then. I'm a sarcastic bitch to him sometimes, and even a sassy one, and to be honest he does the same thing, but sometimes...I think it's to cover up other things he wants to say. No, I'm not saying he feels anything for me, i'm not hung up on myself to even think something like that, but we have had TWO serious conversations in the time I've known him. Once, when we hung out and second only about a week or so ago when we talked about school...and what we were planning on doing. This guy is unlike any guy I've liked, because the guys I've liked have never made the effort to say hi, to talk to me, or to even TRY and start a conversation, but he has. And I mean, I want to talk to him, and somehow, maybe I'll be able to get something out of him, it's definitely not guaranteed, but maybe something will come out, and maybe he'll just spill...like I did to him. I understand that could take some time, but I need closure, and I need to know all that's going on in his head, and all that he feels when it comes to these past ten months, whether he's annoyed, angry, frustrated, or anything else. I can't be sure.

He gets under my skin, and I guarantee I do the same thing to him, but to be honest, I wouldn't want it any other way. At least this way, I'm feeling something.