I'M IN A FUNK!

Ugh..... Things fall apart just as I am able to patch them together. It is like the beginning of Ice Age 2 where the saber-toothed squirrel can't stop the leaks he's caused because a new one just keeps popping through. That's my life right now.

I need a vacation. Good thing I have only 11 days of school left, not including weekends. Though I am not exactly certain whether this is a good thing or a bad thing....

I'm banned from my mother's house. Part of me feels relief, the rest is sad, angry, lost, and confused.I know everyone says it's a good thing, and that I am better off. They say she doesn't even deserve to be in my life..... I know she's... Morally hopeless and selfish beyond repair.... And I know everything she's done to me should make me hate her.... But I can't... She's my mom. I am biologically programmed to care for her to some degree. But... Clearly being her daughter wasn't enough. Being the responsible one resulted in my exile. And to make me feel even worse, I am the only one of her four children not allowed there.... My three brothers are extremely selfish and get everything they want... I ended up being different. I could never see why. I never understood her cruelty toward me when all I wanted was her love and approval. Yet still she looks at me with such disdain that looking in the mirror is sometimes impossible. To her, I will always be her mistake. The eldest who was never meant to be birthed.

Enough of this self-pity.... My point originally was that I will only have internet when I go to the library... Where I am right now. It's why I haven't updated anything. Although, I will start to write my next chapter on my iPod like I have done since I started my Mibba account, but this time I am downloading it from the library instead of my bi-monthly visits to my mother's. Not much has changed with my ability to use the internet, except that it is less certain when I will be allowed to go... Gah.

For anyone who has stuck around to read all of this, I applaud you. And to my small number of subscribers, More will come soon... Hopefully...