empty, help

I am soo fucking scared right now. I am scared of myself, my exams, my feelings. I feel so empty, it's like a huge f black hole filling me up. Two days, two days since i stopped and i failed, i had to do it one more time. I'm sorry, the marks on my wrists have started to fade but i didn't deserve it, i'm a horrible sister and daughter. i i can't do anything right, i keep fuckking up. I have disappointed everyone, ha i can't even write properly, it's such a confusion in my head it feels like i'm going insane. I can't think straight, i'm sorry people who tried to help, it really did, just now is so stressful. that one moment just offfered a quick stab in reality and stop to confusion. It hurts, so much. nobody knows around me how i feel, i'm like trapped in my body, the same routine. the hobbies havent helped that much, writing is good to get out feelings, but when i reread it i feel depressed on how crap my life is and how good it could be. Help please.. i'm chocking in my mind, i try to be cheerfull so m=nobody else can feel like me, it's horrible. I don't know if i can stop, i'm such a coward.