Thoughts and Words

I feel connections.

And not just, ya know, connections. It's weird. The music I listen to, I feel like, yes, I could easily strike up a situation with the artist, or visit them. It seems like that perhaps I'm too much of a dreamer...that the clouds just sway and punch me for no reason. Or that the small grasshopper who has an inside connection with the earth is secretly laughing at me in the shadows.

I feel connections, with the dead. I know that I will see all deceased people that I meant to see but didn't.

Stu.

I'm sorry I didn't come to visit. I'm sorry I didn't see you once before the cancer took you. I'm sorry that the last time I saw you as when I popped in to bring you a meal and immediately left. I'm sorry.

Corine.

I'm sorry I didn't see you enough. I'm sorry I didn't feel enough sorrow for your cancer in your throat. I'm sorry I let it get to you. I'm sorry your husband had to deal with an aneurism at the same time. I'm sorry.

Grandpa Johnny.

I'm sorry I didn't get to know you better. I'm sorry I was too young, I'm sorry I didn't value you enough. I'm sorry.

Terry.

I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry Alzheimer's seized you. I'm so truly sorry that you couldn't go fishing anymore, because you didn't know what it was. I'm sorry you stopped talking. I'm sorry for your death.

I feel connections, with gratitude.

Every time I do something for someone else, I feel so good. And I don't know what it is. Maybe I don't do nice things enough. Maybe I'm mean. I have a small feeling itching at my brain that says I'm mean and I don't realize it. Probably true.

I feel a connection, with God.

He's not physically here. He doesn't speak with me. But I know it's there. And I am so grateful.

I feel things, I act on impulse.

I say things I don't want to.

I change myself depending on how I feel. I depict life for me at the time.

My attitude is so easily affected, and I'm sorry for that.

Earth is a beautiful place, and I'm glad I'm alive. I can only wonder what pushed teenagers to kill themselves. I can only imagine. It's the worst thing to imagine a 16 year old boy dead on the ground with blood spattered on the wall behind him.

I hate substances. Illegal or not, they ruin people's lives.

Richard.

I'm so sorry alcohol grasped your neck. I'm sorry it's grounded you from doing the great things you are able to do. I'm sorry you've had to deal with jail your whole life. You don't deserve it. I'm sorry I got mad at you for ruining a vacation. I'm sorry I took out on you what was aimed at your alcoholism. I'm sorry you lost your best friend. I'm sorry that every time you relapse, it's like your life's puzzle pieces are scattered on the floor all over again.

I hate self-hatred. It's just a plain downer.

To all who have hurt themselves.

I'm sorry things pushed you over. I'm sorry you looked ill upon yourselves. I'm sorry depression slammed you into a rut. I'm sorry you hurt yourselves, physically and mentally. I'm sorry for the struggles you have deal with in everyday life.

Diversity is so fantastic. I absolutely hate people who that hate others for who they are.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Thank you. Our world would not be as a fantastic place without you. Simply, thank you.

To those ridiculed for sexuality.

Don't take anything. Nobody knows anything. You are above all of the haters that bring you down. Anybody who hates you for who you are clearly doesn't know who they themselves are. Don't listen. Enjoy life, you deserve it.

Let's all try to be nice to each other, just for once. Can we? Imagine the world then.

..Some thoughts.