Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

This morning, I was still weeping regularly, and I made a playlist of sad songs to provide a soundtrack to my misery.

I have now deleted the playlist and am creating a new one based on feeling confident.

I realized that part of the reason I was distraught about the break up is because Antonio was a very large part of my life, and he left a hole. I didn't know how to fill that void, and I now have a plan.

1) I will focus primarily on myself this summer. I will read books, work out, go out with friends, etc. It's time to remind myself who #1 is.

2) I will not contact him in any way until at least 30 days have passed. Even then, all contact will be brief, polite, and a bit distant.

3) I will remind myself of all his weaknesses and faults should I feel emotional. Even though he broke up with me, he's really the one who needs to get his life together. Really. He was a mess.

These things will accomplish several goals:

1) It will make me a better person in general.

2) It will help me to get over him.

3) It will hopefully mess with him.

That last one is me hopefully calling his bluff. He said that he no longer loved me and just wanted to be my friend. Reasons why I think this is a lie:

1) A few days before, he was still saying that he loved me and calling me his angel and all of those other romantic things. This was an abrupt shift.

2) He is going through a really rough period in his life (no job, no place to live, no car, might get kicked out of the country soon, $1500 in his bank account). I think he took out that stress on me.

3) He was crying when he broke up with me. (I was not. Suck it.) If he really didn't care about me any longer, why was he crying?

4) The issue came up about a month ago, and I asked him if he just loved me as a friend and stayed because he didn't want to hurt me. He said no, absolutely not, he wanted to be with me, he loved me. He's completely the type who would martyr himself and tell me the exact words that would make me accept the break up instead of the actual reason, which would probably make me fight it.

5) He said he wanted to still be my friend. If he didn't care at all, I don't think he would say this. (more on this down below) When I kept repeating that it was okay and that I understood, he asked, "Why are you so amazing?" Hello, regret.

6) This was his first time breaking up with someone. He doesn't know how to do it properly, and he'll second-guess himself like crazy.

7) He posted a rather pathetic Facebook status update about "hoping for the flowers" after we broke up, and today, when I updated my status for the first time about gardening, he updated his for the second time since the sad update with some phrase about loving the little things in life. He's trying too hard.

I am placing my bet that he misses me. Of course, I could be completely wrong. It's possible that he suddenly woke up and decided that he didn't love me any longer. It's possible that he was really, truly unhappy and was just faking it for my sake or for the sake of our parents.

Either way, he wants to stay friends. I think he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants all of the emotional support and good times I provided during the relationship without the responsibility or the bad times. He's going to have to learn that that isn't going to happen. The first time he asked me out, I refused, saying I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I have informed him from the very beginning that if we break up, the likelihood of our being close friends again is very, very slim.

So he might start to miss me, and maybe it's emotionally manipulative, but he can't just have me as the best friend who's there night and day whenever he needs her without a commitment. He can either have the polite, casual acquaintance, or he can have the girlfriend. When he broke up with me, he chose the former. Will he change his mind? Maybe. But by the time my plan has run its course, if he decides he truly doesn't want me in any way, I'll be strong enough to leave him behind.

Right now, I'm just looking forward to the fact that if my hunch is correct, he will regret breaking up with me. Then he will either want me back (satisfying my desperation) or feel hurt (satisfying my rage). I am using these two very passionate emotions to drive myself, but this is only temporary. I must also work on making myself a better person and moving on for its own sake.

I am taking control of this break up and of my fate, and if I am patient, the end result will be my happiness, with or without him.