not good enough

you know when someone keeps telling you that you're not good enough, like, every day... you start to believe it
most of my mum's conversations with me start of like:

"what really annoys me about you is...."
"what i hate about you is...."
"why can't you be more like [insert friend's name here]..."
"what's wrong with you..."
"why can't you...."
"this is because you didn't get into [insert name of prestigious grammar school here]..."

well. i'm sorry i didn't get into that school, but i was eleven years old then, i'm seventeen now, there's no need to keep mentioning it all the time. i know i'm not smart enough, there's no need to keep reminding me.
i'm sorry that i'm not the daughter that she wants.
i don't know what to say to her anymore, so i keep on saying sorry. sorry that i keep on doing things wrong. i'm trying to become a better person, i really am. but she's making it really difficult. she's the reason why i didn't go to one of my AS level exams; because i was scared of failing and letting her down again. i can't take her shouting at me all the time. i'm SO sick of it. i'm tired of trying to predict her moods. sometimes i feel like i just want to be someone else.
then she has the audacity to accuse me of never talking to her. if i dare try to make conversation with her she'll ridicule and belittle me... i've done this in pyschology, it's called having an insecure attachment to a parent. it IS kinda difficult when you can't rely on the one person who's suppposed to support you....
i don't wanna go back to my old solution to my problems again, cos it doesn't help.

sorry for getting sad and depressive on you all, but this is the first time i've written this down...the whole situation upsets me sometimes.