my thoughts.

Every time see him, my mind goes back to our last conversation. My heart swells with sadness and lost hope. I cannot think as this happens, I can’t even breathe! Why doesn’t he show the same pain as I do? Oh right because he never loved me, not even a little.

But sometimes I wonder, does he love me? Does he feels the same pain, but chooses not to show it, to make a fake appearance of being strong? Why doesn’t he realize that I don’t need him to runaway cowardly? I need him to show me that it’ll be okay. That he really does care if I’m hurt. But he doesn’t care does he? No I didn’t think so.

The love songs are the worst, they constantly play as if to laugh at me and remind me that I once sang along to that same song. Happy because I was that person. But the love songs forget to tell of the pain you feel when you’re so in love, but they aren’t. The pain you feel when you realize you’re just another face with a name in their beautiful eyes when they were the entire world in yours.
It’s raining today, a sick reminder that I never got my romantic kiss in the rain. That’s his fault you know. We were in the rain together multiple times, but that’s okay someday I’ll get my romantic kiss in the rain. But right now, standing in the ice cold rain, alone. Its grimacing chills piercing my every being like sharp razors. I think people are afraid to ask if I’m okay. But in truth that’s all I need is someone to give me their jacket and comfort me.

That’s peoples fear, comforting people they don’t know, sometimes people they do know too. Afraid that one person will need them. And for that second they love it. But the fear comes in when they figure out they won’t need you forever, and that when you were helping that broken person you were healing inside to. And you are so afraid that when you’re not needed anymore, you will be broken again.

We aren’t so affected by the pain when our hearts are broken, we are affected by the thought of being broken forever and that we may never be whole again. That someone may not care enough to see the pain hidden in our eyes. We just want someone to show they truly care for them and love them.

It happened where the daisies lie. He tore my heart apart and left it bleeding in the dust with the pure white daisies. He expects me to understand; I lied and told him I did. But of course I don’t. Why would you lead someone on so many times just to leave them hurt in the dust. He left me holding back my tears telling him I wish him luck, and the right ones out there for him. He never thought that maybe I was the right one for him. He took me for granted, telling me the sweet promises I held so dear.