What happens?

What happens? Where do you go? When your heart stops beating, can you feel it? How can the doctors tell you that the person on the table didn’t feel anything, didn’t feel the table slip away from their skin and the air become stale in their very lungs? Have they been there: felt their heart stop beating, their muscles relax and the world slowly fade to black or white or whatever fucking color you want and see the God they preach waiting? Have they felt their insides simply stop and lay dormant, like the fingers that used to play music, the lips that once spoke the person that wore them? How do people know that before the silence and the peace doesn’t come the pain, the burn, the utter agony, the fear? They say that science says it’s impossible. No questions asked when their heads are pat and a sucker is in their mouth. They roll and frolic in the comforts of knowing it’s painless if it’s faster, if you’re unconscious. They jump for joy singing hallelujahs believing there’s something after, knowing where they’re going. But when it comes to maybe living a little bit more before everything you used to know is gone, they refuse to believe that it may take a little bit more living and suffering to find that peace. They can’t take not knowing as an answer. Always the answers they find in the words they twist. But words are merely sounds and shapes, lines on screens and paper, wood, stone that speaks thoughts, emotions. When it comes to it, there is nothing that can define, describe the feeling of dying, of not being because no one knows. If you can’t define it, can’t speak it or imagine it without the fantastic exaggerations, why waste time to try and understand? An adventure is not exciting if the ending is already known. If life’s an adventure, why do we try to purposefully spoil our ending? Would it not be the adventure we always dreamed of if we just ignored the future and lived for the present? Would we end up better off ignoring everything we were told as children to instead engulf the ideas of nothing and the feelings of everything, abandoning the old and accepting the new nothings? Would it then be an adventure worth living before the end, or before the new beginning?