Two Pills a Day

Right now I have two bottles of pills on my counter. One of Lexapro; the other of Effexor. Every morning, I get up and take one of each, but whenever I'm eating and staring at these bottles, I can't help but think. I think about how dreadful it is to know that you can't be happy on your own. It sucks a ton to know that you went through so much and are so messed up you can't even be a normal happy person. It's miserable knowing you need help to be happy. I never bring this up in therapy because my doctor will say it's normal to feel this way and blah blah blah. I know that I need it, but I can't help feel pathetic about it. I know it's my brain and chemical imbalances and stuff, but I feel so helpless. I've been strong for so long. I've been this tower against all the sadness and depression and anxiety, but I finally broke down. It got old. The army busted through. I'm crumbled now, and like a country that just lost a war, I have to admit to myself that I need help. Even if it's really difficult at times, it's what I need.