Jealousy.

More and more lately I have noticed this word shows up more and more in my head. I am always so jealous of people. Everybody. I can honestly sit here and think of my friends and tell you things I'm jealous of them for.

They have freedom, and friends, and they do things, and have parents that don't flip out over tiny things that don't really matter in the big picture and I just sit there and want to cry and think "Why the fuck can't I do those things?"

I want freedom. I want trust. I want to be outgoing. I want understanding. I want more friends. I want confidence. I want money. I want him to work as hard for me as I do for him. I want to be fun. I want to be good at something. I want to be able to say, "Oh, that's a cute shirt, I think I'll buy it." or, "Hey mum, I want to take you out to lunch today." I want to be smart. I want I want I want!

I feel like a loser. And then I feel like a bitch thinking these things because clearly there are people that have it worse off than me. I know I have a good life, but I always have this.. this longing to be sombody else; to have a different life.

I know I have great friends that love me and care about me, and I eat three meals a day, and I have a roof over my head and a loving family, but god. Sometimes I just want more! It may be selfish and wrong, but I'm sorry, mibbians. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I wanted to tell it to sombody.