To Jimmy-

I've been having a really hard time right now and sometimes writing down things to Jimmy 'The Rev' or my angel above me helps . I though I'd submit one of them I just wrote . Anywho.. here it is .

Dear Jimmy ,
I haven't talked to you in awhile . I've been having a rough time . My parents are still fighting , and I haven't talked to my brother . It's still really hard to talk to him knowing he's lied to this family for 4 years and ruined my life . My sister just moved into her house in New Mexico . I miss her . I've been talking to her everyday . I can't wait to go stay with her and get out of this hell of a town for awhile .

Levi is still being a jerk to me . We're just friends I guess . I love him a lot though . He's so perfect but he won't be mine ever . I'm scared him and his girlfriend are going to fuck soon.. which upsets me even more .

Last night Brady texted me at the same time I texted him . It was so fucking cute and made me so happy . He said he missed me . I really am starting to have more and more stronger feelings for him . But I have to hide it because Ajayy can't know about it .

About 1am last night I took some more pain pills and started getting a high . I felt weird and like shit . I'd really like to stop taking them but if I do I feel even worse . I don't know whats going on..

I got my TAKS test results , passed all of them . I'm glad I'll be moving on to highschool and starting public school . I'm just nervous . I don't think I'll fit in .

I got to play piano Jimmy . I was home alone and tried playing Fiction . I also got to sing . It felt so good to have music back in my life . I can't wait to start playing drums again for you Jimmy . I'm going to always play them , to carry on for you .

I remember when I saw your brothers , Matt , Brian , Johnny and Zacky oh and Arin ! Live a few weeks ago . It really inspired me . The feeling I had afterward and during the show was amazing . I felt like you were right there Jimmy .

I've been missing you a lot lately , thinking about you and such . I miss you so much . The past week I cried myself to sleep thinking of you and how I wish you were still here . It kills me knowing I'm going to go in the same path as you soon . I don't want to get into drugs but really it's my only escape from life . I feel like I could have done something to make you not die . I could have been there somehow as a fan and made you stop using . I just know it . And it kills me deep down inside when I think of it . I just know I could have .

I told my mother you were my hero and she told me that was the worst hero ever . I gave her a bitter look . How dare she say that . You were the best drummer in the world and an amazing fucking man . You will always be my hero . I was so pissed at her and I still am . She has no fucking right . Just because you got into drugs doesn't make you a bad person . I can't wait to get my death bat tattoo for you just to show her and piss her off even more . I hate her . She's not my real mother . I hate this family infact . I don't deserve this shit Jimmy .

The other night I thought about being with you . I wish I was up there Jimmy . I really do . Life would be so much better . But I don't think I can . I shouldn't . I promised you I'd carry on your dream . So I guess I'll stay .

Jimmy I love you so much . I miss you more than anything . I wish you wouldn't have left me . I wish so badly I could have done something . But I guess for now I'll carry on what I'm supposed to do .

Your my entire world Jimmy and always will be . I love you so fucking much .

With love ,
Lexie