I feel just like a bad joke

So, this journal will be partially melodrama and partially All Time Low lyrics.

Their new album just came out, okay? I'm nothing if not a fan girl. A broke one, but a fan girl all the same.

Where to start, where to start...

Hmmm... Well, I can't get a good job. One that pays well, gives full time hours and doesn't involve any kind of shadiness - such as a foam factory or canvassing for "charities".

I happen to have an interview tomorrow for a summer camp. A summer camp would be good for me, I love kids. When I was doing the canvassing for the "charities" the best part of the whole job was to talk to the families little kids. Especially when they're a little bit older than five but under the age of ten - you know, before they get the idea that not only are they all grown-up, but they're also the shit. The only catch is that this job is a camp run by a church. It could be scarily religious, which I definitely would not be able to handle. As long as I don't have to lead bible study or anything in that vein, I should be alright.

I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago. He's not doing too well. Not only does he feel like we're still together, he feels that I've used him and cast him aside now that I don't need him anymore. That one hurt a lot. Even though I don't want to date him anymore, it doesn't mean that I don't care about him as a person. He's still my friend, and I still care about him. I thought it would hurt him more to wait and pretend over the summer, but it seems like it's hurting him a lot right now.

He's making me feel so guilty. I don't know if he's doing it on purpose, or if it's just happening without him noticing. I just don't like being the reason he sounds like a deer that's been run over by a truck.

Furthermore, my ever present and yet not issue with Scott is plaguing me again. I hung out with him (and his sister) over the weekend. He didn't seem too interested even when I told him that I was fighting with my boyfriend (perhaps he's the honourable type?), but on the other hand, it was the first weekend that he didn't go up to London. It could be that his parents asked him to stay to ensure that Julia's friends (and her parties) didn't burn the house down, but my friends from Queen's seem to think that he found out that I was coming and decided not to go anywhere.

It's an infuriating situation. Whenever I'm available, he's not interested. Whenever there is the slightest indication that someone else is interested in me and I have the slightest chance of being happy with anyone else, he shows up with sweet words and my own fabricated promises of something that might not ever happen. I don't want to have to wait around anymore. I can't do it.