Don't get me wrong, I love being my own person and being unique but sometimes I wish I fit in a little better. Not with the general crowd of people no, but with my friends. I don't want to be just like any of them but I feel like a lot of them fit perfectly into their own nitch of two or three because of really similar tastes and then there's me, not quite as close as the others. I have two friends who are my best friends, but one of them has drifted away significantly. We still talk, but we haven't hung out much in like a year? We've been best friends since first grade and it's scary that we're drifting. We still call each other best friends but I can't help but wonder, are we really?
She and I are very different from each other, but we always worked well together as friends. Maybe now that we're about to be Seniors in high school, these differences have become too great? It's depressing to think and realize, but it happens, we lose people all the time. My other best friend, I've known since we were abuout 5. He and I have virtually no differences other than the fact that he's a boy and I'm a girl. People always mistake us for a couple, but we've never dated each other in our lives and most likely won't. That'd be like dating my brother lol. We even look a bit alike, we say the same thing at the same time several times a day, etc. Lately though, things have been odd with him. Every time he gets a new girlfriend, she becomes his main focus. He's almost always hanging out with her and he doesn't spend as much time with his friends. It's bothersome because I miss him, but it's his life, he can choose to spend it how he wishes.
I just feel pretty awkward around almost everybody nowadays and I hate it :/ I feel like I'm intruding on some private social circle whenever I'm in the room. Is this normal? I guess everybody feels like this at some point in their life and this is my time I suppose. I miss being with my boyfriend for one of these very reasons; I felt comfortable with him no matter who else was around. We dated for awhile but things fell apart at the end of this December. I wish I had another chance with him, but I don't know if that will ever happen :(
I hope this journal doesn't sound bad because I seriously don't know what to do about what I'm feeling. I also feel like Mibba is the only place I can vent anymore. So thanks for being there <3
Question Time
1. Have you ever wanted to fit in, whether it was with the popular group at school or just to be closer with your friends?
2. Have you ever lost a close friend?
3. Do you currently feel this way about anybody?
4. What's your favorite band?
5. I hope you have a nice day/night!
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