Friendships..

So, I haven't written a journal in god only knows how long but I can't talk to anyone I know, personally about this so why not take the web.

I have been friends with this one girl for thirteen years. We were best friends and I love her like a sister but we are complete opposites. we can never agree on a single thing because we are so different. Once I went away to college things changed, and I found people that make me happy... That never meant I didn't love her, it just meant i was realizing that there are people out there that are just like me. She was hurt for how I left her, and I know that deep down she will never forgive me for it. But it's my life, not hers. A friend isn't supposed to be a care taker, at least not all of the time. But for us, that's what it is. She messes up and gains enemies and I speak highly about her and clean up the mess. I never had a problem with it, until now. We were never like the friends in movies and TV. We never had sleep overs or told each other secrets, I didn't do a lot of things I wanted because she didn't like it, and she never did a single thing that i did and I'm realizing now just how much I've missed out on because of her.

Well, just yesterday she texted me, the first time in nearly two weeks, I asked her why of course, and she just said she wanted time on her own. I was confused, because she spends time with so many other people, goes to concerts and clubs and parties. But she wanted time away from me... I didn't get it. Sure we aren't as close as we had once been but I didn't think she'd flat out avoid me, So i asked, why was it different with me.. and in a very disordered and long text message, she blantinly stated that I am not much above a kill joy and that she wishes that I could be more fun and learn to be happy.

I was shocked.. because I mean this girl has 99 problems, she has so much going on and she just pretends that nothing is wrong. I try to take care of her, but I guess I acted too much like her mother, but I was just being a concerned friend. She never listens and she is never going to change and as much as it kills me, I know that it is better if we are not friends, so I told her just that. She says "I can't stress it." If she truly cared about me, I'm sure she would fight for our friendship like I have been for nearly ten years.

I just don't want to think that I'm the crazy one.

I mean, so what if I enjoy reading, and eating dinner with my family. It isn't a crime to do the right thing and to have morals. I don't need to smoke weed and get so drunk that i can't stand, nor do I need to have meaningless sex just to have a good time and be "fun". It is just hard for me, because I feel like I missed out on something special, you know, a bond that friends are meant to share. I never had that, until recently. It just sucks cause I wanted her in my life forever...