Lazy Sunday

The only boy who could ever teach me was the son of a preacher man.

This summer is off to a slow start. I have been working ten hour days, which translate into zero sun time for me. I am so pale, I could probably join some sort of vampire community at this point.

I feel like my life is slipping through my fingers.

What am I doing with all my time? I am always doing something, but it feels like none of it is anything. If that makes any sense.

I wish God would just hand me my life story. I would read it cover to cover, analyzing where I lost control.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not popping pills, partying until the wee hours of the morning (unless you count reading Tolstoy until sunrise at partying; I do!), tallying up the knotches on my bedpost, or anything that requires rehab.

But I feel like I have lost control. Like I'm a finely tuned robot only functioning when and where needed. I feel like Ed Norton at the beginning of Fight Club. Wandering aimlessly through the abyss of mess that we call life.

I'm not unhappy. On the contrary, I'm smiling more than not and laughing is still a favorite pasttime.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Or do others sympathize? Tell me how you feel.

PEACE, LOVE, AND ROBOTS,
Jordan