Venting at 3AM.

I hate him, yet I love him.
Yet i like him!
WHY IS IT ALWAYS GUYS WITH THAT F.CKING NAME?!
Ugh,
Fucking heart having a thing for the name Kyle.
Yeah well it can suck my left ntt there n(u)t okay?!?!

Blah,
So kyle w came home from DCI today, they pushed him so hard he got really sick. I am still worried about him now. He should have never went but I told him I would support him 100% no matter what he did. That's true, he is my best guy friend really. LIstened to me cry(litterally) over my broken heart or about my parents or just things that pisses me off and I do the same for him, I can't help I might have grown feelings for him. He is an attractive guy, with an amazing body. Not like uber muscled but his arms are nice and his legs. He has a nice chest too, his tummy is a little chubby but hardly at all. He has lost a lot of weight at spirit so I wonder how that's gonna work. He is really sweet and hates it when the other kyle or any guy tries to fuck me over.
I know it would never work between us because he is overly jealous and i am a flirt with a lot of guy friends. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

AS FOR YOU. Other kyle,
I want to hate you. I want to hate you with every fiber of my being, and it works. Until we start talking, then i forgive you and try and look past all the crap. You call me babe, hun, sweetie. Just like I call you, we have always done that. I do that with everyone so do you. But when you do it, my heartbeat increases and i smile. I hate it. It's not a good thing, it means you still have that power to hurt me, and you will. Just give it time, soon enough I will revert back to the empty shell I used to be. Who knows what will happen then. All I know is...
I miss my bestfriend and the way we used to be. I miss what we used to be, not even when we dated I could care less about that, but when you made an effort everyday to talk to me when we weren't busy. To make sure I was okay, to care about me, even if you didn't want to hear me complain. To trust me enough to let me back in... But I guess I lost all that hope when she walked in the door, she fucked up our relationship. As soon as I told you what she was going to do, and how she was. You blocked me out, we haven't been the same since. We fought, it tore me to literal pieces other Kyle was there when I was crying, I didn't go to school the next day because we were still fighting. Tyffie your own fuckin step sister stood up to you over me, I knew that was the moment it all went down hill, I knew it would never be the same when Tyff had to slap sence into you. We talked after that, seemingly fixed it but I won't forget the words you said to me.. never in my life did I think you would be that guy. The one who judged me on what I did and said, I always thought you would be the one person in my life to not judge me and to not say that. But you did, and now... I don't care. Sure we apologized, but i can't forget that.
& really just like the song that started it.
You're not the person that I knew back then, it's all to late to set things straight cause everything happened, let's try and act like this didn't happen follow your friends like you ever happened.
Yeah i wanted to start over, pretend nothing like the sh(i)t that has happened, happened. All I wanted... Want. Is my bestfriend back to the guy he used to be, I still love you and you will be my bestfriend until you do something seemingly horrible.
That won't change... But you have.

I guess rant over, Now I am gonna go listen to some A7X and remember Jimmy cause it is one of those nights it seems.
Love you Jimmy. <3

I am currently listening to my friend jose while he is drunk, his girl just dumped him. I feel bad for him hes an amazing dude.
& Thanks if you actually read all this it was just me getting out all my frusterations.

Much love,
Stephanie.