You're my beloved, your my bride, to sing over you is my delight... come away with me tonight... <3

hey guys! It's been a little bit, but not really that long. Do I EVER have things to update you guys on. Hmm, I'll start with obvious first, my quote. It's from a christian song called My Beloved. I've been listening to it constantly lately.

Uhm, so yeah. Last weekend I like snapped, because horseback riding was cancelled AGAIN but we moved it to Saturday and it was AMAZING. Lexy and I were such a team, we were really good. It was fantastic. Sad news, today, which was supposed to beautiful until like last night, horseback riding was cancelled. I'm in a terrible mood now. Facts are facts, I can't rely on the weather. It's driving me insane. So I'm looking for a new place. And, I hate change, so this is really bugging me. As well, I love Lexy, it's going to break me to leave her.

So anyways, onto GoF stuff. I was babysitting yesterday, but she went to a friends house for most of it so I got some writing done. I am almost done the next chapter, but I need some comic relief so it's going to be a bit still.

Now onto something personal! Well... I'll start at the beginning. This semester my emotions have been everywhere, but I'm the kind of person that doesn't necessarily show it obviously. You have to pay attention, and recognize when I'm happy, then realize when even something is slightly off. My mask rarely cracks, but when it does it takes time for it to reform. So I know my parents have noticed, since they've mentioned it, and my friend have noticed as well. They've helped. It's nice to be at a place where people recognize it. ANYWAYS, I'm off topic again, so yeah, no one ever notices. Most teachers go with the crap the school boards tell them, and fit all of us 'bothered' children into one category. I have never EVER had a teacher realize when I was upset, except when they saw me two minutes after crying, until recently. Well, this semester.

Well, my absolutely amazing chemistry teacher somehow managed it. Okay, first time I figured anyone could notice, after all, I was really upset after seeing my grandparents grave for the first time. I have never properly grieved them so whenever they come up I get sad. It's allowed. Well I was near tears that day, and he was worried my mark was going to suffer. I wasn't worried, since I always do AMAZING when I'm upset for school work. One of those reasons NO ONE NOTICES.
Well, anyways, randomly throughout the semester I get pulled into a depressed moment of self pity. Well, yesterday, I zoned out, thinking about how today would probably be cancelled and he caught it before I did! I was so shocked, my mask slipped a bit, but I busied myself in studying and tried to reform my smile. I couldn't believe he got it! I was going to confront him about it, but there were too many people, and I knew my mask would fall, and I feel naked without it, especially in front of people I really don't know. Well, this brings me to today. After class I planned to ask him, I mean if I've lost my touch I'd like to know so I can you know hide it a bit better. I'm not in the mood for randoms to surround me with "are you okay?"s. Drives me INSANE and pulls me in deeper to my inner sanctuary. So I asked him after class. He was closing the room and I asked if I could talk to him. He of course said "sure what's up?" and I was literally like "how the hell do you know?" he was so confused, so I explained, I mean, no one ever notices so this was new to me. He of course just smiled and said he paid attention. I attempted to smile back, but I'm a stuffer. I stuff feelings. So whenever I admit something, or let my mask fall, those emotions take over. Well, I survived it, but now I think he's worried about me, I hope not. I'm alright, I always am. It's just been a long year, and I've had a bad two weeks.

Well... now I'm upset at the thought that I can't have him next year for chemistry. It's so sad. But I don't want to think about that now. (shocking). Ugh, now I'm done. My horrible mood is taking over. So will he notice tomorrow my horrible mood.