June 19th

Never have I thought about doing an online journal. I usually had a book for that. But nevertheless curiosity got the best of me. So here I am writing to you guys. And who knows if I actually get comments and reviews about my crappy little life.

Do you ever feel like an outcast? Whenever I am in a room I feel nervous and worried that something is going to happen. I’m the type of girl to worry. And I guess so many years of me being bullied and taunted built me up to that. The girl with trust issues.

It started on a Tuesday. It was summer, and school had just started up for me. I was only 11, but boy I can remember it every day. I was nervous; like all kids would be. I stood in front of the mirror and reminded myself that I was ugly... I guess it kind of got to me. But it was time for a new school; I could start again instead of being the girl everyone knew me to be.

“The Nerd”

Instead, I found something much, much different. I didn’t fit in. I didn’t at all. Instead I was ridiculed for being fat and ugly.

Do you know when you get hurt, you find a way to deal with it? Usually you find yourself listening to music on the couch or writing in a diary or journal. I didn’t find myself doing either of those things. I found myself sitting on the couch eating. Eating out my feelings and not doing something productive with myself.

Their taunts were almost too much to handle, too much to bare.