Father's Day

Jean Paul Richter once said, "The words that a father speaks to his children in the privacy of home are not heard by the world, but, as in whispering-galleries, they are clearly heard at the end and by posterity."

I have yet to hear words that ring truer than that. Any man can be a father, but it takes a special man to be a father. My biological father was never in the picture, nor has he ever cared to be. I have been blessed to have a wonderful stepfather who has been there for me when my father failed to be.

For those of you whose father either left or whose father was never in the picture, these next words are written for you. If the previous sentence does not describe your father, read on. I have words for you, too. I promise. But first, I want to talk to the children whose father was a glorified sperm donor, to put it lightly. I want to tell you that I understand what you go through. I know what it’s like to wish every day for someone who never shows up. I know how many times you question yourself, searching for the flaw that sent the man who was never supposed to leave away. But I also want to tell you that it is not your fault. I do not know your situation, but I do know that nothing you did or said made your father leave. You are wonderful. You are amazing. You are incredible. Never forget those things.

I know that hole inside your heart-the one you feel only gets bigger with time. I used to have that hole. And it did not fully disappear, but it is a lot smaller. I forget to dwell on it.
I have Jesus to thank for that. And before you say anything or stop reading, hear me out. I know that some of you reading this are not Christians. You may be Jewish or Hindu. You may pray to Allah. Or maybe you don’t pray at all. And that’s fine. This journal entry does not apply to a certain religion, race, gender, or social class. No matter where you are in your walk of faith or walk of life, these words are written for you. Some higher power brought you here to read these words. In my heart, I believe Jesus is that High Power. How could I not when He has done so much for me? Am I saying that as a Christian, my life is problem free? Absolutely not. Am I saying that because I have Jesus in my heart, life’s difficulties are a little less difficult? HELL YES. Having Him there to cling on when I had no one else has made all the difference for me. So no matter what you believe in, believe in something. Stand for something. You need to have faith to survive: Faith in anything because without faith, there is no hope. Once you lose hope, life loses all meaning.

If you are still reading this, I want to say something to you. I’ll only say this once, so listen closely. Maybe you have heard these words before, but maybe you have never heard them. Or maybe you simply forgot what they sound like. These words are from the bottom of my heart. Listen up: “I love you. You are special. You have worth. I’m sorry. I am so sorry for everything. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.”

Feel better? They’re just words after all, right? Wrong. I am not so naïve as to think a stranger’s kind words can equal the weight of the words never said by someone special to you. And so I want to apologize from the deepest depths of my heart for the hurt your father has caused you. He has no idea what he is missing out on. His life is incomplete because it lacks you, not the other way around. You will change the world someday, and he will spend his days regretting the ones he did not spend with you. That I can guarantee.

I know these words will not instantly change your outlook on life, or the way you feel about your father. Nor do I expect them to. But I do hope that they encourage you. I hope they restore your faith in humanity, knowing that a total stranger genuinely cares about you. I promise I am not the only one who cares. With you being so incredible, how could they not love you? I hope these words made you remember how amazing you are, or at least smile.
And lastly, I would like to tell you that I know it’s easy to hate your father, because that’s easier than letting the pain of his absence hit you. But I challenge you to release that anger, because it’s only hurting you. Your father, wherever he may be, knows that he is continuing to make a mistake by not being in your life. He may one day later try to correct that mistake, or he may not. Regardless of his actions, you need to forgive him. Release the negative feelings toward him and forgive him. Your life will be so much better; the weight will be removed from your chest. No matter the pain he has caused you and/or your family, no matter what he has done-forgive him! Forgive him for yourself. After all, he’s not Osama Bin Laden, after all. And if your father is Osama Bin Laden, my deepest condolences for your loss. But, seriously, I know it will not be a simple task, but forgiveness is the key to moving on. After all, has he not done enough already? Do not let him take any more of your precious life away from you. I leave you with these words: Forgive.

Now, these next words… These words are the hardest to say. My heart is very heavy for you. I think of you often, not just today. Know that you are always in my prayers. These next words are for those of you whose father has passed away. My best friend lost her father several years ago, and I still see her struggle everyday with that loss. So I understand what you are going through. Death is a funny thing, in the way it is not funny at all. It’s that time in life when you need to smile more than anything, and you can’t. You are too sad, too numb, too many emotions-you have forgotten what happiness feels like. You suddenly realize your father can never walk you down the aisle; you won’t see his face in the stands cheering you on; you can never hug him again; you will never see his smile again.

You will never see him again. The full weight of those words has the capability of crushing a person. But please, never lose hope. Things will not always go the way they should, but I know that the heart of life is good. In this unbelievable dark time, you will eventually find a light at the end of the tunnel. You will once again laugh, smile, and dance. You will make him proud by living your life to the fullest.

I know you are left with so many questions and so few answers. I know your biggest question is “WHY?” And more than anything, I wish I could answer that for you. But the hardest part in losing someone you love is that you never get that answer. But instead of dwelling on the unknown, try and focus on what you do know: your father loved you. He loved you more than anything. No matter what you do in life, he will be watching over you and proud. I really just want to hug you and tell you everything will be okay, because I know it will. I know it won’t be easy, but I know your father raised you to be strong. Be strong for him now. Show the love your father showed you to others. The world would be a much better place had we not all forgotten the most powerful weapon against destruction we have to cling on: each other.

Now I know that no amount of words will take away the sadness you feel, but know that you are not alone in the dark. I care deeply about you and pray for your hurt to be taken away. With time, I know it will become easier to deal with. I promise. No words can compensate for your loss, but I offer you my love and my shoulder to cry on, as well as my ear to listen any time you need them. This I promise you.

I would like to take this time to say that if your father was a soldier and died while on duty-your father was a hero. Not to say other fathers are not heroes in their own right, but there is a level of sacrifice, a level of bravery, and an unfathomable amount of selflessness inside of a man who gives up his life for his country. Military families are especially close to my heart. You are heroes, and the world has not forgotten you and the struggles you go through each day.
If your dad is a soldier and you are unable to be with him on this Father’s Day, my heart goes out to you as well. Those dads that are overseas or far away, they are always in my prayers and often in my thoughts. Your dad is a hero, make sure you remind him today.

Lastly, to those of you who have a wonderful, loving father/stepfather/father figure: GIVE YOUR DAD A HUG AND TELL HIM HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM! If you are still reading this, you now realize how lucky you are to have him around. Ask anyone who is without a father, and they will remind you to never forget how blessed you are. Appreciate the small things your dad does; appreciate your dad.

And if I left your father out, please forgive me. It was an honest mistake and know that you are special and wonderful and loved, as well.

Happy Father’s Day. Thanks for reading. Remember, life’s what you make it and not the other way around.

Peace, Love, & Padres,
Jordan