Rant #2: I kinda hope he reads this. Then I'd at least feel like I'm sort of important to him.

Why does nothing ever work out for me in the relationship area? I mean, I realize that I'm fourteen and that I have a lot of years ahead of me to find the one I'm meant to be with, but still. Why does every attempt get screwed up? Why do I end up feeling worthless and unimportant to...well, pretty much everyone?

There was this one guy, and we used to be best friends. We would talk all the time and we would tell each other pretty much everything. We were like siblings. And then we kind of started liking each other, but I liked this other guy already, so I was honest and said that I was really confused about my feelings and that I didn't know what to do, who to choose.

When I found out that I other guy I already had feelings for (we'll just call him 'Steve' so as to avoid confusion between the two guys) was into drugs and drinking, I was really upset and I decided to forget about him. The guy who I was best friends with was being so sweet to me, and I thought that maybe it would work out. Things didn't work out with "Steve", so maybe now they finally could work out, just with someone else. Someone better.

But it turns out that the guy I was best friends with was just leading me on. Playing me. He said he liked me and said all this sweet stuff, and asked me to save him a dance at the school dance that week, too. I really thought we would end up together, and it would be so great since we were best friends already.

But no. No, that couldn't happen, because love hates me.

Instead, he barely paid any attention to me at all the whole night, and ended up kissing my best friend, who was his ex-girlfriend. I was standing about three feet away.

Charming, huh?

So I left that dance in tears. I knew that "Steve" was out getting drunk, and that this guy had led me on and I had completely fallen for his lies. He saw me crying and texting me asking why I was. And within minutes, we were fighting through text. Just freaking out at each other. We both said some awful things, and it got really awful. I'm not even going to say how bad it got, and what kinds of things were said.

Anyway, eventually, we made up and forgave each other, and he even gave me a bracelet of his that I still have. And I thought that things would go back to the way they were before. I thought that we'd be able to be as close as we were before all the craziness.

Nope.

We're not even close anymore, and I don't think he cares about me at all. I sent him an email about how happy I was that we'd worked everything out, hoping that might generate some kind of "renewed interest" in a friendship, but he didn't reply. And whenever his ex-girlfriend (my best friend) is around, I'm invisible. I mean nothing to him, and he doesn't care about me at all. And it's killing me so much. People say that I shouldn't waste my time, and that I should just forget about him. But I can't; he was my best friend. But he doesn't care about me one bit.

So, after all the drama between he and I had cooled down, I found out something amazing. "Steve" was quiting drinking and going to try to quit drugs, and I was so happy. Things started getting just as flirty as before with this "Steve" guy, and we even made plans for a movie date. I thought that finally, finally, something was going to go right.

HAH! No, that can't happen. Life decided to slap me in the face.

"Steve" lied to me about everything. He still does drugs. He still drinks. And he made up a story to get out of going to the movies with me. He ditched me to hang out with his other friends, who are apparently more important. He was a total dick, and I should never have trusted him.

And now all I feel are regret and loneliness. I regret giving "Steve" a chance now that I know he's a liar, because maybe if I hadn't of put "Steve" before the guy who used to be my best friend, then things would have worked out with the guy who used to be my best friend. But instead, I let both of them lie to me and I let both of them lead me on and I let both of them walk all over my heart.

I hope that the guy who used to be my best friend reads this. I hope he knows how much I'm hurting. I hope he knows how lonely I feel. I hope he knows how much I regret ever trusting "Steve" when I could have had such a great change with him. I hope he knows that I feel like I mean nothing to him.

I guess I'm just not worth it.