I really need you right now.... R.I.P.

I know its been 7 years but you were my best, and only, friend. Mammaw, I love you. You were the sun to my universe. You were the greatest impact on me. Through the 7 years, I never really thought I needed you. I brushed off the fact that you were dead. But now, since I am older, I realize how much I really do need you. This is the only place that I could think of posting this. Mammaw, you are my sunshine. Remember when you would sit me on your lap and we would sing together? Or when I would come over and it would be lunch time and you'd sit me at the table and make me a grilled cheese and tomato soup? I would only eat your tomato soup, too. You always made the best. I still don't eat it to this day. Even though I remember all the good things, I also remember the bad. I remember telling you that I didn't like your house because you smoked. I sat there and we cried together. You because your feelings were hurt, me because I hurt your feelings. It was terrible, Mammaw. All these memories keep flooding into me at the strangest of moments. I always burst out into tears, Mammaw. I really do. And now Grandpa has cancer and I have no one to talk to. Kira doesn't know how to help and she's too happy for me to depress her with my talk of death. She's never lost a grandparent. Mammaw, I love you more than anything and I'd love to have you back for one day. For you to hold me in your loving embrace and sing to me. I want to be your sunshine again, Mammaw. I know I can't but, I just want to imagine I am. Oh, what I would give to sit with you and just talk. I never had the pleasure of showing my artwork or reading you one of my many stories. I want you to see them and admire them. I want you to criticize them. Gosh I love you Mammaw.

R.I.P. Mammaw.