Reality Check

I'm not perfect. I make mistakes and I can't help it. But just because I won't yell back at them or stand up for myself when they yell at me, doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I put up with thier shit all the time. It's hard trying to live in my brother's shadow but at least I'm still here. They should stop trying to get rid of me and realize that I'm hurting. I'm tired of the fights I hear every night and I'm tired of crying.

If they want the perfect child, they shouldn't be looking at me. I'm messed up and it's probably all their fault. I wish Kyle were here to tell me it's okay. Or even Monica. But they aren't here and Drew left for Italy with his family. Nobody's here and I don't know what to do. I listen to music and I hurt myself just to forget the emotional pain for a single f-ing minute. But that's still not enough for them to stop fighting and realize I am a fucking human! I'M NOT FUCKING EMOTIONLESS.

When I sat there crying over my brother, my dad said I was weak and pathetic. I would never measure up to my brother and I'm a disgrace. Thanks dad. I've put up with yours and my mothers verbal abuse since Kyle died and I'm sick of it. One day if I don't come home or I don't come down for breakfast, I hope you both understand.

No, just in case anyone actually reads this, I'm not gonna kill myself. I'm simply stating a fact. I do cut myself. Please don't tell me not to. It makes me feel better, and yes, I know that's not good. I just wish my parent's would realize the monsters they've become.

I miss how they used to be... when my mom would bake cookies and my dad would kiss me and help me when I got hurt.

~Cheyenne