I Would Give It All To Not Be Sleeping Alone

"They say that true love hurts.. Well, this could almost kill me. Young love murdered-that is what this must be... But I can't handle it when I turn out my night light..."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The first cut is the deepest.

So is the second. And the third. And certainly the fourth.

This line-up of guys I involved myself with has not exactly been filled with WINNERS. Quite the opposite, in fact.

There was one boy I didn't realize I could have really loved until it was too late. He was perfect. He IS perfect. Charming, attractive, SMART (sexy nerd status smart), and he's a musician. He has dreams and realistic goals that he's set for himself. He wants to make a difference in the world someday. He wants to help others. He loves children. He's EXACTLY the kind of guy you take home to your parents.

Now I'm not saying that Mr. Perfect was head over heels in love with me, or even in major like with me. After all, he's perffffffeeeeeccct. And I'm..well...not.

But we had a moment.

You know in movies, there's always a game changing scene..The one where time stands still and one choice can set the movie in a totally different direction?

Yeah, we had one of those.

There was no dramatic heroic act or crushing love scene.

There was just me. And there was him. And we were alone. In a house. All to ourselves.

And we talked. We talked about love, life, and music. We talked about everything. We just talked.

Oh, I could have talked to him for hours. In fact, I did.

Then, midnight struck and I had to rush home before I turned into a pumpkin. Or something like that.

And the goodbye kiss? He leaned in, promising to love me forever with his eyes..but his lips? They promised something I had been promised too many times.

Heartbreak.

His beautiful lips could have kissed mine, and maybe this journal entry would be about my wonderful boyfriend.

But I turned away. He kissed my cheek. I shrugged, leaving.

We said goodbye. He hasn't spoken to me since. I hurt his pride, to protect mine.

"And this is so hard because I didn't see that you were the love of my life. And it kills me."

I wish I could go back and kiss his face off.

Now, I'll never get that chance.

He found someone new.

And my pretty face sees what he's worth. Not that I didn't know from the start.

I was scared.

So when your moment comes, just go for it. If you strike out, be proud that you took the swing.

NEVER, EVER LET THE FEAR OF STRIKING OUT KEEP YOU OUT OF THE GAME.

Take my word for it. Don't make the mistake I did. Or you'll be forever mourning the loss of the ONE THAT GOT AWAY.

"Drunk off of nothing but each other until the sunrise."

PEACE, LOVE, & PRINCE CHARMING,
Jordan