What does it feel like to be alive?

I can't remember it..

I would be lying if I said I don't understand why or how, 'cause I know the why or how.

The first time I was hit, it make me feel like I was nothing I was about 7 years old at the time..
It was a ex boyfriend of my mother then other things happened all bad... A couples of years after that my brother started hitting me too, but the worst in that is when he start verbally abusing me first when I was 10 or so then hitting me too during all my teenager years but you know the bruises fade with time... But what he told me.. Nope still playing in my head too..
''You wont do anything good in your life, you're nothing, you're not worth it, you're so ugly..ect''
Even I start thinking that now.

I really am worthless, a nobody i know it now!!
I have a amazing son That i love to death..
But except for my son I don't see what in this world is worth fighting for.
I'm 24 years old and I'm fucking tired of fighting everyday, I'm tired of my life..
I'm so empty inside it's almost funny.

so tell me what is the meaning of life.. of my life!
I don't understand.