Wasting Away

129.4. Anywhere else, that number may have no significant value to me. And yet today it has been engraved into my brain. Maybe just because there was another number earlier- in fact only a few hours earlier- that was momentarily important. 131.2.

After stretching and working out- which I rarely do- for about an hour, I felt shaky. I actually got a nosebleed in the beginning, but that's a different story. I've been getting those lately anyway. Stupid nasal issues. But besides my nose, I was fine, 'cept for the occasional pain that would fill my abs when I did pushups or crunches, etc or in my legs when I practiced my halfway-there splits. That was when the 131.2 came to play. That was how much I weighed after I worked out. I don't know why I checked, I guess I was just curious. But I was shaking uncontrollably and I remembered from colorguard that when you start shaking, you need food.

One bowl of icecream and a million jitters later, I sat in bed for a bit, read, babysat, watched a movie, then had dinner(two hotdogs and a half with homemade Western sauce, a bowl of baked beans and two glasses of water). Seems like I should have gained. Alrighty then.

Just checked. I weigh 129.4 pounds now.

See, it's not so bad. I lost what? Two pounds? But I'm fifteen. I'm supposed to weigh probably more than 130's anyway. Well, not that it matters. I'm not anorexic or anything, and I'm not losing weight at a humongous rate or continously. In fact, I bounce from 129 and 134 and every number in between all the time. But there's always something scary about hitting those 120's. I just have those "internal shakes". The ones where I begin to feel like I'm wasting away, that I'm gonna turn so skinny I'll disappear and maybe, just maybe, no one will really care I'm gone.