Hi (:
I wanted to drop in to Mibba for a few minutes and write this message/journal that I've learned and become more attentive to in the past few weeks.
The gist of the message is this: resist nothing.
It's true that a lot of people want change in their lives. Change is a wonderful, amazing thing and I believe we should embrace it. But the desire and need for change is what corrupts us and our sense of self. We focus so much on the things we wish, want, and believe should happen that we lose touch with what is actually happening. Some situations are more severe than others.
For example let's say that one of your family members just asked you to go over to the fridge and get them something to drink. Immediately you start to resist and provide excuses like why should I, you're closer to the fridge than me or I don't want to because I just got comfortable on the couch. This situation seems like no big deal, really, and a lot of people would agree that it wouldn't hurt to get up and get them something.
So this is what ends up happening when we actually agree to do it: we still resist. We do what we are asked, but we do it unhappily and reluctantly. This can happen with any situation at all in our lives, yet the reaction is all the same. Sometimes we even build up an amount of "effort" or "favors" on an imaginary scale in our heads. Our side of the scale just got weighted down by this thing we have to do, so now it's only right for our family member to "owe" us. Their side of the scale isn't weighted down enough now that we've done this thing for them. They have to repay us somehow. This repayment can be different for every person: for some people, a thank-you or a grateful smile is satisfying. Others need more than that. They might demand that the other person does something else for them in return.
When I look at it, it's all sort of silly and crazy. Most of us can agree on that, I think. The hard part is agreeing on it when we are actually experiencing the situation, whatever it is. Especially the more "severe" ones. Severe in this case doesn't matter on the situation itself. It only matters on the reaction, or level of resistance, to the situation. The most severe cases happen over a long period of time, sometimes over years. Sometimes it plagues us for our entire lives.
I know what it's like to experience this, and it's accurate to say that it isn't pleasant. I used to resist a lot of things. I resisted, hated, going to school. I hated that I didn't have any close friendships. At one point I even resisted my entire existence altogether: I didn't want to live anymore.
So what did I do to be free of all this inner turmoil? It's not easy, but it is simple. I tossed away all of my thoughts and ideas on what I wanted to be compared to what was, and I began to slowly work my way up to accepting everything.
Anyone can do this. Start with things like the one I described, the favors. When your family member asks you to do something for them, instead of resisting the asking or the doing, do it gladly and expect nothing from them at all. To some it seems almost unjust to do this, but it's actually just the opposite. Accepting what is will not belittle us or make us miserable, it will empower us and make us joyful!
Start looking at things not as you've been trained to look at them, but as if you were freshly born into this earth at every moment. The things you hate about your life? They can now be the things you love! You'll start accepting people too, no matter what they did in the past or what they look like or how they act. And when change comes, you'll accept that too. But you won't suffer anymore because when you can accept everything, you're happy with what is, no matter what it is.
It's a great feeling. Even if you don't agree with me at all, I would still encourage you to just try it and see what happens.
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