Silence

Dear Journal,
Today is a normal day but today I have come to realize how much I really do think of him. Most of my thoughts are very nonchalant and I think them without even processing that he is gone. I also compare him to other people in my life a lot. I think it helps me though; that I can think of him even when he's gone. Stevan told me the other day that he was dying, that he wasn't going to live much longer. I just stared at him because I was shocked and afraid. Turns out he was just joking but I yelled at him because he doesn't even understand what death really means. Death is forever. Death means never coming back, never seeing your loved ones again. It's sad how people take death so lightly and joke about it constantly when death is really the only thing that is definite in life. I have friends and family but no one will ever be the same as him. I've noticed lately how unsure I am about the future. I can't imagine myself growing old or having kids or getting married. What does that mean? Well I'm out of words for today but I will speak later.
-Nicole.