So this is just going to be a random rant of confessions and such and hoodles about stuff that's on my mind way more than it should be... And as the title says, if I don't at least say it and get it out to SOMEONE I might end up screaming...
OK... Here we go...
I cut.
I feel fat even though everyone tells me I'm skinny.
No matter how little I eat, I feel like I'm eating too much.
I'm in a long distance relationship, but it more feels like I'm in a relationship with a computer, not a person.
I still love one of my guy friends and he's constantly on my mind.
I think my mom hates me or at least wishes that I had turned out differently.
The only time I feel pretty is when I'm wearing all black, my hair is straightened, and I'm wearing eyeliner.
I'll tell strangers things I would never tell my friends.
I'm scared of being alone.
Hospitals terrify me.
I have panic attacks if I'm ever put in the center of attention.
I'm ashamed of my own feelings.
I feel like I should be able to deal with things, but whenever I try to stand I just get knocked down again.
The fact that I can't deal with all of this makes me feel weak and worthless.
I don't feel connected to the rest of the world. It feels like everything is happening around me, but I'm not actually a part of it.
I don't think that I'll ever be able to break up with my boyfriend, no matter how much I want to be with my other friend. I just don't want to see him hurt again.
I feel like I can't express myself the way I want to and the way I feel is actually ME.
Silence makes me really nervous.
I want a family one day, but I'm scared that I'll never find someone that I'll be happy with and who would want to be with me too.
I feel like I'm lying to my boyfriend, even though I'm actually not.
I miss Devin more than anything...
It feels like whenever I try to talk about how I feel about Devin, no one will take me seriously.
I think that's all... I'll probably go through it in a few minutes and think of something I wanted to add. Oh well...
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