Facade to Fornication.

Stop fucking making me love you dood. ._.
I HATE IT. :((
it'ss not even fair..
How can you just steal my heart then act as if you don't even know? As if you don't really even care about me..?
Are you really unaware?
I can't take this..
Each breath I take I fall deeper in love with you..
Or.. Like.. With you. 
Or.. Whatever the hell this feeling is. 
I just can't stand it. 
Cause I'll never be with you,
No matter what I do...

I don't even understand it, nor do I want to. 
Because I can't take this. 
Waiting day after day.. Feeling.. Soo.. Fucking empty. 
But then you do something as simple as.. Send a text saying "Goodnight baby<3" and it fucking makes my day.. 
You don't even realize the effect you have on me. 
I just want to lay in your arms forever.. Close to you.. With my head on your chest, hearing your heart beat and breathing in your scent.. 
The same scent that stains my pillows.. So when you're gone.. It haunts me, leaving an aching, throbbing hole inside of me that I just can't fix.. That I just can't make go away, no matter what I do. 
All I can do is think about you.. Think about your smile, your laugh, your voice.. The way you call me at 2 am just to hear my voice.. The way we'll talk for hours and hours on end.. About  e v e r y t h i n g.. Yet sometimes nothing at all..
But all of these thoughts just linger above the wound from your absence in my heart.. Crashing down over me and just crushing me.. A large, heavy weight constantly bringing me down..
And when I can't talk to you.. It kills me. 
ALLLL I fucking want is to hear your voice.. See your face..
Or at least text you.. But you never reply.. 
And that eats at me.. The cruel reality, awakening me from this lovey-dovey fairytale I drift off in when I talk to you. 
The reality that.. You don't love me back..
That you don't care anywhere near as much about me.. As I do, you. 
That you aren't constantly feeling the emptiness that I feel when I'm not talking to you. 
That you aren't counting down the minutes til' you see me.. Until you get to once again meet my loving eyes.. Which truly.. Have been dying to meet yours. 
The reality that you're not seeing my face wherever you go.. That I'm not the center of your world..
I feel like that's too much to ask for anyways..
Too much to ask of anyone.
But then why the fuck is it like that for me??
Why the hell can't I breathe right when you're not by my side?
Why do I want to sacrifice everything I have.. For someone who clearly isn't interested..?
I wish I'd never met you..
I've never felt this way about anyone before. 
Ever. 
It's never been such a strong feeling..
It's never been this suffocating. 
It's never been SO fucking insanely strong that I can't think straight, pay attention, much less even write. 
I can't do any of that. 
It's all your fault. 
I can't do anything I love, cause all I can fucking do is sit here and think about you. 
I can't even write about you.. Nothing comes to mind when I try except lame, boring, reasonless lines.. 
Like these. 
 But I can't be mad at you..
That would get me nowhere at all. 
Then the hole would be even bigger..
And I couldn't not talk to you. 
I'd probably die. 
Shrivel up into a little, inflated piece of shit. 
And..
You make me happy. 
Sooo.. So fucking happy. 
You make me feel beautiful.. and alive.. And.. Full of love.
You make me feel like I can do anything. 
Be anything. 
And..
You make me feel like someone's there.. Loving me back. Supporting me, helping me fly.. And glad to. 
You make me feel like no matter how bad I fuck up, you'll be there. You'll always love me..
But..
You don't..
I just..
I just wish..
That this all was real...
And not just a fantasy..
Not all just a game..
A lie..
A trick..
To get in my pants.