To the Voices in My Head (5/11/11)

My past is a maze I can’t get out of, every time I see the light my past seems to shift, as impossible as that may seem I can’t grip on my memories so I got tired of it all declared 'eff' reality but constantly the voices nag about direction, I want them to be quite but they say they are my protection. My life, not sure where I am going or what I love more the singing, the acting or the writing. But I would never admit I love music every part of it seem stop me and take over my body, to bad my life belongs to the stage but my soul is in a pen, it seems I am split three ways. I look into a crystal ball but then I close my eyes I don’t want to know how many breaths he has before he dies. They read my words and they say that I’m sick but trust me ya don’t know the half of it. Even I am afraid to uncover it and dig deeper past the stormy nights to places where even the demons scream hit the lights. I am past haunted I feel possessed by my past, like a vessel filled with demons, I can hear Kyle say Insidious. Lets take a pause see the truth be told I feel like my words are diamonds wrapped in the gold but they only use me, then move onto next vessel and when they leave I am only left with my fear. No, I don’t fear success I fear the taste of being second best to my reflection, see I lost that girl in the fog of my mind. I was eight and I couldn’t stop crying so I dropped the hand I held and left my drive and ambition behind. Only dream was to grow up and get out of the shatters remains of the place I called home, what a childish mission. Looking for a savior but I failed to see I am trapped here because of me. Ancient history still bleeds from my flesh to you this is old news but these scars stay fresh. I am aware I have a light but I am blind to the brilliance expect at night when its quiet and I am all alone I hold my pen like a microphone and I sing for these wounds to heal because they may seem silly but this pain is real. To be honest my only sin is wanting to shine but craving to blend in. I feel like if I am noticed you will see my story, the life and times of me, written in my eyes and then you’ll be here same as me. Looking for tomorrow but stuck in the maze of yesterday. People tell me I am amazing but they only like me because my future is in the stars, Ursa. He is praising me like I got something worth to praise. He keeps telling me I got to believe but I can’t remember how to, I want to tell him I won’t believe in me because I am to invested in you, perfect excuse for a girl who hides behind clouded eyes. The tears I haven’t shed seem to fill my lungs making it hard to breathe. The Sleeping keep telling me don’t hold back but these shadows have my feet glued to the spot they have been in. I can’t die in this maze, I am suffocating. Yesterday, oh Yesterday won’t let me see tomorrow or live in today but soon, real soon, I will find my way.