R.I.P:TylerJamesBook<3

TylerJamesBook.

My best friend.

Oh how i miss you, Shuggs.

You died in March, and you were my everything. I remember i had stayed home that day..and I was just hanging out...Then all these posts on facebook came up about the accident. Then i get a text from Kelseys mom tellin' me to come homee...That she has something to tell me. I felt my heart begin to drop. I go to the house, sit inside and wait for them to come home..She came in throughh the door..Looked at me...And i knew..I knew something wasn't right. She sat at my feet, looked me in the eyes and asked me if i knew you...I started to cry..I said yes, that you were my best friend...She said, Honey he was just killed in a car accident. My heart dropped. I felt so sick. Tears poured from my eyes. My best friend. Dead. Gone. Forever. I kept saying no. It can't be true. You're lying. I ran outside..All i could think about was you...How incredible you were..you are. I couldn't imagine my life without you, without hearing your voice, or laughter...I felt like, with all the shit that had already been going on...This was just Gods way of making my life so much more worse.

You and Ali, you two were always there for me. Encouraging me. Pushing me forward. You were my best friend. I was always listening to both of you complain about the other, trying to calm down arguments..You two dated for so long. But when it came to me, you guys would always be right by my side. I remember when shitt got really bad. I was at work, and you guys came in, and all i could do was cryy. Both of you would hold me. Tell me that we would figure everything out. Tyler, You hugged me. Wouldn't let me go. Told me that we would get everything settled. That you wouldn't leave my side...That reassurance left once you died...:/.

I felt so lost. I was numb. I cried myself to sleep, i would wake up crying. I had dreams about you. When i walked the hallways of Clover I would hear your voice yell "Lesbooo.! I love you.!" And then laughter would follow..I would turn around and look for youu..You were never to be found. I died each and every time. After that I started skipping more...I was failing. I was dropping classes. I started partying more. Worrying about my next high...Just something to forget the pain of missing you...Nothing would help. I would still hear your voice the next day..Or think that i saw you in the midst of people in the halls.

I remember the night I did pills. I was with two friends. I misssed you so fucking much that night. I was hurting so bad..And i just wanted to forget it all. I mixed my shit up. I was poppin/snortin' and i was drinking. I had a smirnoff, a cobra, tilts, a lot of shit....I felt nothing. Nothing phased me. The other two people i was with, passed out. I layed there..And just thought about you. How mad you would be if you found out with me. I felt so ashamed and confused. I hated myself. The next morning, i smoked. I just wanted it all to be gone. All the pain. The missing you. The heartbreak. I didn't know what to do without you by my side, you're reassuring voice. I was so confused. I felt the disappointment that you would have in me. I hated myself to be honest. I couldn't figure out what to do to make it up to you, even though you weren't here

You were my life, Tyler Book. You were my reassurance. You were my best friend. You are a constant hero and role model in my life. It's so hard to continue this life without you. Without hearing "lesbo" being yelled at me. WIthout seeing that amazing smile. Without hearing that reassuring voice. Without having you by my side every step of the way...

But i suppose you're still here. You're right here in my heart. I have a little piece of you on my arm. I will forever love&&remember you. Not a day goes by that i don't think of you. Not one single day, where i don't picture that handsome face and amazing smile. It's like they say, you never really lose someone..They are always with you just look down at your chest, and a little to the left. They are and forever will be a part of you.

Keeping watching me TyTy. I know you're here. I hear you. I see you.

I love you, TylerJamesBook. Forever my BestFriend, Forever in my heart.<3