July 14th, 2011

Just once I wish someone would actually care instead of just acting like they do. Truly care. But I guess I'm asking for the impossible. I used to believe love was possible...but now I'm not sure. As I'm told, love is fantastic. But the only love I've ever had has never lasted. Its only caused pain. I don't know if I'm ready to be hurt again. I don't want to be hurt again. I can't be hurt again....But strangely enough, I can't brin myself to give up. Or give in. As Black Veil Brides says, "Never Give In, never back down, Never Give In, never back down. When your life feels lost, fight against all odds. Never Give In, never back down." So they're telling me to never give in. Okay, I get it. But with love, its hard to not give in. Its hard to not give in to the feeling that love doesn't and never will exist for me. That's all that I feel right now. But, BVB also has love songs...which makes me thing....maybe there is a thing called love? "So take your hand in mine, its ours tonight. This is a Rebel Love Song. Hearts will sacrifice, its do or die, This is a Rebel Love Song." "So take your hand in mine," shows that someone does actually care. They're offering to go with you during any challenges life throws at you. "Hearts will sacrifice,"...I guess this means that in love, everyone has to sacrifice something. Whether it is time, or fear. In order to find love, I have to rid my fear of love. In order to not get hurt, I have to not be afraid to get hurt. If I just accept that maybe there is love and happiness, they maybe I will get it. But I cannot do this on my own....which brings me back to my trust issue. Who can I trust? Who is actually caring? Who is not acting like they care just to tear me down again? I think I can trust him...we've been through the same pains...kind of. Scratch that, I don't THINK I can trust him, I KNOW I can trust him....but if in the end it turns out that I cannot....God help me.