Not Easy

You go through life.. Taking the paths you think are the safest.. Not understanding that tough roads are meant to be ahead.. Ive thought about thing and how i would handle life without the one person that has been there for me through everything no matter how hard things seem to have gotten..

My Best friend... Diagnosed with Cancer... I pray to GOD everyday that he gives my mom the chance to live a long life.. I would rather my mom bury me.. She out shines the world at times.. just to see her smile and hear her laugh.. It makes my heart warm..

I watched The Last Song tonight... she lost her dad to Cancer.. I dont know what I would do if i lost my mom.. I hate that life is passing me by and I haven't been able to give my mom the things I want for myself.. I want her to be a grandma for my kids.. I want her to walk me down the isle.. I want her to be proud of me..

I want to go to sleep tonight knowing that I've become the best person I can be because of her..

My mom is my inspiration.. Shes a part of my soul.. Shes the brown in my eyes.. My long fingers.. my long thick hair.. my eyes.. my lashes.. my dimples.. my silly laugh.. my smile.. the love in my heart.. the forgiveness for everyone thats hurt me.. she is my sun that wakes me in the morning and the stars at night that guide me.. shes the moon i love to watch.... Shes the tears that fall from my eyes when i hurt.. shes the fear in my mind.. Shes the words i write when im hurt, scared, angry, sad.. SHE IS MY EVERYTHING..

No one will ever begin to understand.. And as days go by.. I dont think i will ever understand..