So, if you read my last journal, I burned the sh*t out of my hand with hot water. Well, my dad didn't know how to wrap it up properly, so we went to an urgent care center type thing. For some reason, they took my height and weight. Apperently, I weigh 157 pounds. WTF? I thought I weighed about 135 to 140. I GAINED 20 POUNDS!!!! I'm 5'6, and the proper weight for that height is 130-140. Self esteem -9000. D: I'm always so self concious about myself, and now I don't even want to get out of the house. I feel so disgusting. I know I'm over reacting. I'm just WAY self concious. But, I secretly promised myself not to get over 145 pounds, and now I'm 10 pounds over. That sounds a little light, but I WANT to be able to see my ribcage. I WANT to be so skinny it's unhealthy. I know, you're thinking "why would ever want to look like that and WHY?" I'm thinking the same thing myself. I've never actually tried throwing up my food intentionally or starve myself, but I'm seriously considering it...
(BTW I'm sorry if I came off as whiney to you, this is just what I've been thinking for a long time.)
For real? GAH!
July 19th, 2011 at 06:20am