Lately, I've been... at a loss for words. I don't really connect with people. I find myself often wondering what to do or say in a social situation. It's so hard to bother talking to people, or leave my room. I am dreading going to the beach tomorrow with a friend.
It used to be as if there had to be a reason to be sad. But now it's as if there has to be a reason for me to be happy. And then I just revert back to the nothingness. It's a very strange feeling... or is a feeling at all? I wouldn't know.
Also, today at dinner, my parents began to talk about weight. I was actually eating some ice cream after my dad had told me to eat some. This pit appeared in my stomach, and I was suddenly falling. I stayed quiet the entire time, and was angry that I had to sit there, think about my weight, and eat ice cream. I was just so upset by it that I scared myself.
I feel distant. Hopefully words will come back to me soon. Maybe I will write. Maybe I will speak.
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