Please Help Me ?

I need your advice, I’ve messed things up. I hurt people, I didn’t mean to. Will you help me? Please? I want to make it right, I want to be forgiven for everything, but yet...i wouldn’t forgive myself. It’s hard to explain, without letting myself cry but yet I need your help.

Will you give me help? Will you give me advice? I don’t deserve it, yet I need it.
I hurt someone I really like. I made him heartbroken. I wanted to be with him so badly. I thought he was never interested, so I tried to move on. I tried so hard. It never worked, yet I convinced myself it had.

I had sex with another; it was my first time too. I wanted to have sex with someone I loved, maybe even the one I really like, I’m not even sure. I knew I didn’t want it to be like how it was though. I mean...I feel disgusting about it. I can’t eat, barely sleep.

After that though, the one I really like found out & we talked about it. I cried for a long time. He told me he really likes me too, but he was so hurt over me having sex with that guy. I cried again. I wanted to hug him, but he was in Sydney.

What can I do? I hurt the one I care about. He says he forgives me, but I wouldn’t forgive me. If you cant forgive yourself, how can others? Will you help me? I miss how we were. I miss the laughing & the flirting.

Have you any suggestions ?